Hi, I'm Alice...
I'm an active woman; I am involved with two advocacy organisations in England and also with Women's Education Network (I am passionately into women's lib and rights). I'm also involved with Disability Action, Disability Now, previously Leonard Cheshire and currently Amnesty International. I've met quite a few special people over the years - like Christine Noble, Paul Clarke, the late Joey Dunlop and, most recently, Desmond Tutu.
I can be moody and a cow at times, as other women can be! I love fashion shopping, boot and jumble sales and charity shops. I adore handbags - I have about 340 handbags! I like watching soaps, dramas and documentaries, I also like reading spiritual books, romantic books and magazines. I like perfumes, flowers, jewellery, creative writing and a bit of sewing. I wear the pink ribbon to support breast cancer awareness. I am not afraid of cellulite!
Trying to be me
In 2005 I started to live fully as a woman in society because I felt that was me. Society has other ideas! I was the victim of so much intimidation, discrimination, hassle and verbal abuse, both in public and in my personal life. Sadly, I had to stop fully living as a woman, even though I feel I am female and consider myself female.
I wear all female clothes, but mix them to look unisex, so that I don't get noticed every 30 seconds. The difference between wearing a wig, filling the cups of my bra and wearing heels is strange - the town goes mad when I do that - but if I still wear a bra with no cups filled, little makeup, no skirt and just female flat shoes, it's more or less okay.
Now I have gone back to living 95% as a women. When I go to another town I am fully female. I wear a skirt and heels and mostly it's been a very positive experience, with one or two minor problems. I find with me being feminine, a lot of people, mostly women, come into my life. Women are the softer sex and can be more compassionate than males.
Girls and Boys
In actual fact, it is easier for women to get away with wearing male type clothes and be accepted than the other way around. They are classed as tomboys. I know of women who wear male type clothes, don't use handbags, wear jewellery or skirts but they don't get hassled because they chose not to follow the stereotypical female role model.
But the same principle doesn't apply the other way around. I can only really be myself when I go away from home. I dress fully as a woman as much as I can, because I feel that's me and to deprive myself of that any longer isn't good.
I am very pleased with how things are right now. I have had great support from female friends who have helped me choose make up and so on. I wear make up because it lifts my confidence. I also invested in a face steamer that also helps. I pamper myself weekly with a face mask and do my nails weekly.
Recently I went for a make up makeover (well two makeovers, nice to be pampered) from a professional make up consultant and that made a great difference. I have had support from various sources. I would associate mostly with women as I am treated better than I am with males. Recently I got my first certificate in my new name from a project that I did.
Born and Bred
I was born male, but as I came into my teens, I found myself increasingly drawn towards female clothes and accessories. When I did my research, I found out that when a person is born, sometimes the chromosomes can be unbalanced and that's what happened in my case. It isn't until a person is in their teens that they notice that something isn't right. If I deprive myself of being feminine, then I am depriving myself of being the person that I wish to be or have become. Instead of fighting it, it's best to go with the flow. When I was male, some people could sense that everything wasn't OK and people presumed that I was gay, regardless of male or female clothes. I'm not gay.
I still suffer from discrimination a bit. When I was in hospital for example, the staff repeatedly refused to call me Alice, even though I have had my old name changed - to the extent that they were purposely trying to goad me into losing my temper. Getting work - even voluntary work - is difficult and that's why I often travel to England to do voluntary work -although I do find I'm usually treated okay at the airports.
Life and Work
I find it extremely difficult to get into voluntary work where I live, I like to help people and do things voluntarily as people don't wish to take on someone different like myself, which makes me feel alienated. At the start, it bothered me, now I accept that it's part of life. I find when I go into some cafes and shops I am repeatedly called sir or boy, which annoys me. When I have gone into some shops to try on tops, blouses and bikinis for the summer, I have been welcomed without many problems, but discretion and being pleasant is the key.
Further away from home I have been to the sauna and jacuzzi, but locally I am not allowed in female gender areas as people would be up in arms over it. I am trying to learn more female mannerisms which will help. What I want to work on is lowering the tone of my voice to have a softer voice.
Quest for Acceptance
Now, I am wearing female clothes all the time and I really want to be accepted, just as I am. For every person I have met that wasn't so pleasant or nice to me. I have found the next person to come along has been kind and nice to me. This has lifted my spirits.
I feel that our society as a whole has a long way to go, however, to reach aceptance regardless of race, age, colour, disability, illness of anything that's different or unusual.
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